Model Answer (Language)
It’s the motherfucker problem. In Chinese, it gets translated as stupid dick. Well, that’s not good enough. And if you’re a bad motherfucker? A cool cow? Idioms, the eternal goat- getter. My maternal grandfather had a goat that he milked daily. The splash sounds against an iron pail punctuate my vague memories of any childhood not spent in urban fear. Hide from the mailman. Never let anyone know you’re home. The Derringer is taped under the end table next to the door. Just point in the general direction; it’s not an accurate weapon. Knock, knock.
Model Answer (Sports)
My uncle has a genuine Honus Wagner at home. He’s got it
wrapped up like a piece of the True Cross or a saint’s tooth.
Of course, he doesn’t know his ass from his elbow when it
comes to baseball. He thinks the Dodgers still play in
Brooklyn. But that’s the beauty of the game – I’m talking
metaphorically here about life – it’s a commodity, like soup
cans. It’s all in how you sell it. Hey Andy, take my picture!
Mark “The Bird” Fidrych died when his tractor fell over on
him. Now, that’s a story worthy of baseball.
David Harrison Horton is a Beijing-based writer, artist, editor and curator. His work has recently appeared in Otoliths, Variant Lit, Ethel, Version 9 and Acropolis, among others. He edits the poetry zine SAGINAW.